This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Quick, to the slutcave!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
