eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I want to be your penis for a week.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
