someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
