He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
