My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
