direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize