He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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