I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
