Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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