You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
