ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize