Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am naked and annoyed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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