I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
