My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My dick has a subreddit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
