I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize