yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
