he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
