Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
