i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
