There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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