That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
