is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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