i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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