i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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