we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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