please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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