I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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