cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
