it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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