I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize