im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
