I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
