I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
