im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
