DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
