I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
