Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
