my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize