Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
