They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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