I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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