I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
