If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
