It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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