Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
