after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
