I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
