It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
