awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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