is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
