So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
