Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
