do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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