Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
