I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
being pregnant is like rehab
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
