Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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