i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
