her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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