i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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