When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
