So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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