I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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