After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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