Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
