dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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