the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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