when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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