so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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